After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?