Sometimes I get really depressed,
Then I remember that I have huge boobs
And that makes everything better.

My parents said that I could be anything I set my mind to.
So I became a b***h.

Hey, remember that time that you fell?
Haha.
I do.

If you had a life,
You'd stop talking about mine.

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup
And shit a better argument than that.

Behind every beautiful girl,
There's a dumbass guy who
Did her wrong and made her strong.

If a guy flashes you,
Ask him if it comes in adult sizes.

Of all the things about me that could frighten you,
You worry about my driving.

I used to care, but now I take a pill for that.

I taught your boyfriend that thing you like.