Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.