Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

No matter how much you force a compass to point where you want, it will always point north when left alone. Here I am alone, and all I do is point towards you.

I still imagine your touch; it's beautiful missing something that much. But sometimes love needs a fighting chance, so I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. And I wish on a star that somewhere, you are thinking of me too.

Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.