I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.