When everything's coming your way, I think you might be in the wrong lane.

The other day, I shot an emu in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know..

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him."

Somebody left me a compliment on my driving the other day. They left me a little note that said "Parking Fine."

I had a dream last night... I was eating a huge marshmellow.. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.....

I like listening to music in class. The only problem is, I have old school crappy headphones. They're ginormus. Today the teacher asked me "Am I stupid, or are you listening to your music.?"
"Ah, both.."

I like it when people are like "don't label me!" I like chasing them around with label-makers. And they yell "Nooo!". What? That's what they're for.

Do you want to know what really bugs me? What? No? You don't want to hear me complain? Okay..

Sometimes people look at me... And they're worried... That I'll... Reproduce...

People come up to me and they say "Do people really come up to you?"