I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

"Only after disaster can we be resurrected."

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

Me: A boiled egg is hard to beat in the morning....
Friend: Ah.. ew Joey...

You can't see the truth if you've already been blinded by lies.

The bitterest tears shed over the grave are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

Dream your dreams today because all your nightmares come tommorrow.

Not all scars show
Not all wounds heal
You can't always see
The pain someone feels.