Man, never get high before a test. Because it will backfire. I did that once.. Big mistake. I wrote a huge essay on the anatomy of a frog. The teacher said it would have gotten full points. If it hadn't been a Math test.

I saw this really fat man on TV one day. I made a rude comment and my friend told me beauty was only skin deep. Well, it would be a long search for that guy.

Girls who take steroids can't have kids. It messes them up, and makes it impossible. Plus, they're not the best looking things in the world.

Have you ever wished you could be someone else, if only for a day? I think I'd be Periz Hilton. I would climb to the top of a building and jump off.

I saw this girl... And she obviously didn't shave her pits. I mean, man, it was like a jungle. Imagine when she sweats? She could just ring it out. "What Timmy? You're thristy? Come here. Save some for the cat."

I wish I could smell colors- wait one second, I have no idea where I'm going with this. This is just silly.

People always say random words to be funny. And they usually say monkey or cheese. Leave the monkies and cheese alone! They're not funny! They're just trying to live their lives. Well, not the cheese, but still. What about parsnips? They get lonely!

I always make fun of my friends. My favorite thing to do is tease their "manhood". It's alright though.. I tell them, as long as they have sex in snowbanks... I think they'll be fine..

Ever see a parsnip? The first time I saw one, I thought it was some kind of retarded carrot.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.