I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio...

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Coffee isn't my cup of tea.

Even as a kid, I was a little s***. The teacher would ask us "Who do you want to be like when you grow up?"
I would tell her "No one, I want to be like me."
The pink time-out chair and I were well aquainted.

I find it hard to leave people behind.. But harder to leave them forward... You could bump into them.

What? You don't get it? Yeah, me neither.

I never got along well in PDR in Grade 8. I would never, I repeat never, use the politically correct term for ANY of the body parts... Or what they do, for that matter.

Remember language arts class? You'd always have to make those "brain storms". I hated those so much. Because the best I could come up with was a "brain drizzle".

Whoever invented the lawnmower should be ashamed of themselves. Because of them, now there's a bunch of eight year old War Amps. Well, congratulations, because of you, Timmy can never feel a puppy humping his leg ever again!

Why do little girls always want ponies for Christmas? Well, there is the ocassional effemanite little boy, but anyway. What? Do they think Santa is made of flipping ponies?