Sometimes I get the feeling that the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Some people are like Slinkies. They're pretty useless, but its still fun to watch them tumble down the stairs.

When you are loved by someone be sure to return the favor

The worst feeling in the world is loving someone and that someone not loving you back

When life gives you lemons, bust out the tequila and salt

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand

"If you haven't made at least three people smile today, then you are taking your life way to seriously."

Could someone get addicted to counseling? And if so, how would you treat them?