You're the reason why people were born with middle fingers.

Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, or behaving like one.

Elementary School- "He started it!"

Middle School- "It was a dare!"

High School- "I was drunk."

Everyone will break hearts at some point, so remember how it felt when you were the one who's heart was broken.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

Ins't it wreid taht you can sltil raed tihs eeven tohugh the ltetres are mexid up? It's bceuase the hmuan mnid olny fcouses on the frsit & lsat ltetres of the wrod. It's like beauty.. people only pay attention to the OUTSIDE, not the Inside.

God gave you a gift of 84,600 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you'?

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."
-Henry Kissinger

Snow White, Cinderella & Sleeping Beauty, have altered our expectations of a happily ever after in life, so basically we're screwed because of Disney.

One day some girl is going to break your heart as bad as you broke mine and I hope I am there to laugh at you when it happens.