I'm sitting here reading my old quotes and poems trying to learn something from what I wrote. Trying to make it a lesson, so that I learn from who I lost and never do that again. But it's not working. I just can't think like that. At least not yet.

"Don't put yourself down the way I do." Bright Eyes

Everything is always my fault, in your eyes. And yeah, sometimes it is my fault. But not ALL the time.

And even if one day, I do accomplish something major; would you change? I don't think you ever will.

And I'm always looking for acceptance from you. Just hoping that someday you might improve. But you never do. You never do...

And you would think that you telling me that I cannot accomplish anything would make me want to just prove it to you. But, I don't have the confidence to even try. How can I have confidence in myself if no one believes in me?

How can you still be with someone who can never apologize for things he says to me? Things that make me cut. How can you be with someone who sees me cutting and doesn't stop me?

Mom, how can you STILL be with someone who tears me down when I need to be brought up? And someone who told me, "Well, just kill yourself then." When I said I wanted to die.

And I don't tell you most of the things that go on in my life, or things that I want to do. Because you will just shoot them down. Just as fast as the words come out of my mouth.

Many of my issues of lacking self-confidence and happiness and motivation comes from you telling me that I can't do anything right. And you haven't had confidence in me for as long as I can remember.