I know a woman who is so sad and dismal that she dry rots the tires on my car every time I give her a ride.

Love is a fantasy that throws us into a vortex of hopes and dreams stolen by the one we love.

I have been in love several times. It has a way of sucking the joy and happiness out of you like a vaccum cleaner. I can't recover it once it makes it to the garbage.

My dream woman told me she loved me, Joe, Jesse, David, John, Bill and a few others I can't remember.

I wish I could be prescribed by a doctor, put in a bottle, than my love couldn't live without me.

There is nothing quite like being told how much you are loved for nine years, and then the next day being handed divorce papers.

A good love is like a rash
That you don't know where it came from
You can cover it, medicate it
But it just won't go away

Finding love is like trying to grab a handful of Jello from a bowl. It will do everything it can to evade your grip, eventually you'll grab a little, but only enough to make you want more.