Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on someone else's saved game

Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.

Tough times don't last, tough people do.

Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! He's under a blanket."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs.

I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.

I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every cat purchase.

Suicide is killing the one person you can actually change