Have a nice life. I am done trying to be in it.

Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.

Sleeping alone is better than sharing your bed with someone who shares a bed with someone else when you're not around.

Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I'm him from the future.

Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.

No you didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.

I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like... It's working out. I think I'm the one.

Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait.

You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.