You make me want to write bad poetry.

I wish you'd appear in my bed as often as you appear in my News Feed.

I'm looking forward to your lesbian wedding and my multiple chances of catching a bouquet.

GirlfriEND, boyfriEND, friEND, everything has an END except for famILY

The hardest thing I'll ever do is to walk away still loving you. I'd give anything if you loved me, but some things just ain't meant to be. Can't say it's all been time lost. In the long run I'll be a better man, better off.

I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? ....If I'm trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

One day I'll bury my past with dirt on top of me.

Taylor Swift seems like the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom.

If you don't want me now, don't miss me later.

Hurt me with the TRUTH... But never comfort me with a LIE..