Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible!

You traded your iPhone 4 for an extra inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.

Say this out loud five times fast! 'I won a math debate.'

Okay, what does this dress say to you? Uh...beware of crazy ladies who talk to dresses?

I am intoxicated by the feelings that I fantasize you feel for me.

Yes, we did share a lot of chemistry, but that was before the lab blew up.

New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Forever is a long time. But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.