If you leave your children behind, pay your child support on time.

You wanna be an air force ranger, you wanna live a life of danger, you don't wanna get raped by strangers.

Dear guys who say condoms are uncomfortable, I've heard giving birth is pretty uncomfortable too...

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitch hiking serial killer.

Killer: Turn down that dark road.
Rapist: I was planning on it.

"I like the way this girl operates! She showed me her butt before she shows me her face! Is she a stripper?"
~ Onizuka (Great Teacher Onizuka)

"That painting is large and unattractive. It reminds me of your mother." ~ Richard Moore speaking to his daughter (Detective Conan)

I need breakfast! If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me.

I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type.

Forget all the reasons why it won't work, and believe the only reason why it will.

I just did some calculations and I've been able to determine that you're full of sh*t.