My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.

The problem with the world today is that the smart people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.

I just high-fived a Jedi. Ok, it was an Ewok. Or a midget. I just slapped a kid in the head. Whatever. I wish I knew a Jedi.

Teens, you should not be getting drunk. You're annoying enough as it is.

Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl's whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.

Secret admirers are just stalkers with good PR.

I'm pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.

The hardest thing in the world is fixing a heart you didn't break

Time is like love. Everyone claims that they never have enough when all they do is waste it.