Get her pizza, not pregnant.

Password must contain at least one capital letter, the meaning of life, 14 of your favorite baby names, the Hamlet plot summary and a hug.

I'm pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.

I'd like to nail you so hard you don't wake up for three days. - rejected Christian Mingle bio

Lighten up on the cologne bro. You want the girls to barely get a hint then ask to lean in. Not smell you from the parking lot.

Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.

Fcuk her so hard you have to get her a "get well soon" card.

So you love a gay guy who likes a straight guy who loves a lesbian girl who is crazy for her straight friend? Well that's not a love triangle that's a fcuking polygon!

Why don't you make like a tree and use photosynthesis to turn sunlight into energy, then use that energy to fcuk off.

Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.