If your ex texts you saying 'I miss you' that means the other person they tried to replace you with failed.

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well.

Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers??

I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.

If Caitlyn Jenner can win woman of the year I see no reason why Donald Trump's hair can't win the Westminister Kennel Club Dog Show.

Another month. Another year. Another smile. Another tear. Another winter and another summer too. But there can never be another you.

I wish this conversation had GPS because you lost me about 20 words ago.

Whenever I take a girl out on a first date I always shake her hand with my left hand because I don't want her to meet her competition just yet.

Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.

You had me at 0 mutual friends.