I want to be your favorite hello, and I want to be your hardest goodbye.

Admit it. You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook picture or status.

"I wasn't that drunk!" Dude, you held up my cat in the air and started singing The Circle of Life!

Hey girl, are you calculus? Because you're hard to understand and seem pretty useless in the greater scope of my life goals.

Hostage or not, sometimes it's just nice to be held.

My new girlfriend is taking forever to exist.

My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.

Phone sex; I'll bet it wasn't what that telemarketer was expecting.

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

I love the sound you make when you shut the fcuk up.