Time is like love. Everyone claims that they never have enough when all they do is waste it.

The hardest thing in the world is fixing a heart you didn't break

"Wow, this relationship is really rocky. I bet a wedding and baby will solve everything!" -Idiots.

Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.

A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.

Relationship Status: Sleeping next to the warm laundry pile.

I used to forget time with you. Now, I'll just forget you with time.

Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.

The way this dog acts, you'd think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.

Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who's ashamed to admit they like you!