Have a nice life. I am done trying to be in it.

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I'm not falling for that.

The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.

I am so deep in the friendzone I've been introduced to her boyfriend's parents.

Say no to drugs! Then again, if you're talking to drugs, you're probably already on drugs.

You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone

If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn't think you could read.

Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."