A strong person stands up for themselves. But a stronger person stands up for others.

Don't expect to find the right person if you aren't willing to let the wrong one go.

I added a tuxedo to my disaster supply kit ... I want to look like the most important person to save.

I like scrolling through my apps really fast. It feels like the big wheel on the "price is right"

If the minimum wage is good enough for all Americans, then that's how much Congress should make as well.

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) ... Because...That's how I roll...

Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. So if you give her crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.