The distance between us doesn't matter, because in the end, i know we'll both be happy in each others arms. Forever.

Taking your ex back is like going to a yard sale and buying back your own crap!

If your relationship has more issues than a magazine, you need to cancel your subscription.

Baby, I know the story. I've seen the picture it's written all over your face. Tell me, what's the secret that you've been hiding and who's gonna take my place?

How to get over your fear of the dark: As soon as you turn the lights off, start masturbating. No monster wants to see that sh!t. Then stare into the corner and whisper tenderly, "This is for you."

When Harry Styles and Taylor Swift break up shell write a song called, 'I Went In The Wrong Direction.'

You treated me like a option, so I left you with a choice.

Just unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter.

Expecting a song in about an hour.

I am ready to meet my maker. Whether my maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Screw soccer.... if I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd just take my friends to the bar.