Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! He's under a blanket."

Tough times don't last, tough people do.

Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.

Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on someone else's saved game

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.

Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn't enough.

Boobs: because you can't suck on a girls personality.

Suicide is killing the one person you can actually change

If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I'm not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.