"Was that lightning?" No no.... they're taking pictures for Google Earth..

Just remember that I tried and you didn't.

If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I'd spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.

Buy a hamster. Name it Virginity. Lose the hamster. Close enough.

Don't expect your girl to play her role, when you have other girls auditioning for her part.

Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost.

Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn't been born yet.

She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU'RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.

You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.