If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind. Cause I've elected hell, lying to myself. Why have I gone blind? Live another life...

I am not single; I'm romantically challenged.

Breakups aren't always meant for makeups, sometimes, they're meant for wakeups.

Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.

She's so far out of my league she's playing for the other team.

Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"

Our relationship has about the same chance surviving as a snowball in hell. Unless you make an effort to remove the polar icecap shoved up your as*.

Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your drinking problem.

Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?