Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he's a keeper.

"Was that lightning?" No no.... they're taking pictures for Google Earth..

Just remember that I tried and you didn't.

If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I'd spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.

Buy a hamster. Name it Virginity. Lose the hamster. Close enough.

You lied? I cried. You flirt? I hurt. You wanted? I needed. You forgot? I remembered. You promised? I kept it. You stopped? I started. You were done? I was trying. You love me? Stop lying.

Don't expect your girl to play her role, when you have other girls auditioning for her part.

Her biggest secret? She's constantly pushing away guys that actually care, all because she's still in love with the one who doesn't.

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

Friendship is really weird. Like, you just pick some humans you've met and you're like, "Yup, I like these ones." And you just do stuff with them.