A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?

That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can't figure out which one the music is coming from. FML

Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn't been born yet.

She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU'RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.

You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.

Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait.

I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like... It's working out. I think I'm the one.

The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.

No you didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.