I own beach front property in the friend-zone.

If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his dikc ... maybe squint a little bit

Bragging that you "stole" a girl from another dude is only admitting that you are now dating a girl capable of being "stolen".

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I'm not falling for that.

The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.

Say no to drugs! Then again, if you're talking to drugs, you're probably already on drugs.

Size does matter-just ask Pluto.