Of course you are cute, you have hair covering 90% of your ugliness.

She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.

I wonder if people who decide to try crack saw a crackhead and thought, yeah that.

The girlfriend pisses me off so much, I wanna grow old with her just to watch her die.

Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.

Why don't you make like a tree and use photosynthesis to turn sunlight into energy, then use that energy to fcuk off.

So you love a gay guy who likes a straight guy who loves a lesbian girl who is crazy for her straight friend? Well that's not a love triangle that's a fcuking polygon!

Fcuk her so hard you have to get her a "get well soon" card.

Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.

Lighten up on the cologne bro. You want the girls to barely get a hint then ask to lean in. Not smell you from the parking lot.