I'd like to nail you so hard you don't wake up for three days. - rejected Christian Mingle bio

I'm pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.

Password must contain at least one capital letter, the meaning of life, 14 of your favorite baby names, the Hamlet plot summary and a hug.

Get her pizza, not pregnant.

Relationship Status: Sleeping next to the warm laundry pile.

I used to forget time with you. Now, I'll just forget you with time.

Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.

The way this dog acts, you'd think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.

Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who's ashamed to admit they like you!

"Don't let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father's actual sex talk with me when I was 13.