When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That'd be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.

Boy: Let's play a game, any game, just not hide and seek. Girl: Why not hide and seek? Boy: Because a girl like you is impossible to find.

This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.

When a drunk girl in her 20s screams, "Oh my God, I love this song!", you can be sure that song sucks.

I wish this conversation had GPS because you lost me about 20 words ago.

It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind.

Her: Are you listening to me? Me: Trying. But when you talk, your boobs jiggle. It's distracting. Her: Grow up. Me: They did it again!

I hate thinking about what you're capable of doing to my heart.

We just got a fax at work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

The cashier at the store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.