Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "an@l" in front of them..Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger,etc

Fox News: Fair like cancer, balanced like Louis XV

What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Mustang and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus.

This girl tweeted at me to DM her. What a weirdo, how am I supposed to Dungeon Master her?

If Caitlyn Jenner can win woman of the year I see no reason why Donald Trump's hair can't win the Westminister Kennel Club Dog Show.

Wow, I've been on the No Sugar Diet for one day and have already lost ... my will to live.

Relationship status : Taken (for granted)

"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks

I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.

I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.