Alcohol...because fat people need to get laid to

The doctor told me to watch my drink..... so i found a bar with a mirror.

1 tequila
2 tequila
3 tequila
more
5 tequila
6 tequila
7 tequila
floor!

(my mate said this to me when i was giving him the evils... hehe)

stop looking at me in that tone of voice, it smells a funny colour...

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Whats the point in wanting
if I'm not going to try
Whats the point in speaking
If I'm just going to lie
Whats the point in smiling
If I'm just going to cry
Whats the point in living
If I'm just going to die

Me: what do i wear?

Mum: its smart dress so dont be a lesbian...

(my mate got this as a text)

you've got style
you've got class
i like your smile
i like your a*s
you make my heart
feel like summer
sorry mate
i got the wrong number

How many more times do i have to scream in your ear for you to listen

Organised people are just too lazy to look for things....