I am only a teacher so I can read about pirates all day long.
-Ashleigh

There's probably a point when it's disrespectual to say "I told you so", but...
I did told you so.

"Well he certainly whines like a real director."
-from Urban Legends 2: Final Cut

When you start to pull your hair out
To keep from reaching for a knife
I'll laugh out loud once again proud
To say, "Welcome to my life"

Oh, boy. I should probably learn some of this stuff if I'm going to try to do it for a living.
-Dan, good advice

I tried to get the Facebook-Newsfeeder-thingy to say "Lee Beaver is no longer interested in women." but it didn't work, and you can't be in a relationship with Gandhi, or Satan....Facebook is so biased towards my people!
-Beaver

I must be getting old. I'm sick of hearing about young people dying because they weren't wearing seatbelts. Physics is more than a suggestion, people.
-Dan

When you're trying to utterly destroy the lives of the people you hate, you can't really be nice about it.
- Laura J

You got the sexiest voice. Makes me want a hamburger.
- Alex

"Why did I make everyone so insecure?"
- Will Ferrell as Mary Catherine Gallagher's Subconcious Idea of God in Superstar