I'm a 300 lb black woman...on the inside.
-Jason

I took the interview. They said, "No." They were afraid I would actually enforce the rules.
-J.D.

My friends and I all ran for SGA, and we're trying to fix that.
-J.D.

You made me laugh so hard, I had to crush my head up against something.
-Scott

It makes you want to open your mouth.
-Stephen

Okay, I'm full. I've eaten enough for eight people...got any cookies?
-Ryan

You're just like me, and I am you
So why do these mirror games make us confused?

I want to disect someone today!
-Chelsea

Don't tell Mom, but I hit and killed a midget with her car last night. I'm just kidding, it was only a n-----, so I don't feel bad at all.
-Alex

Can you imagine the world without the Village People? - A theological crisis!
-Earl