Only people who can read should buy jelly.

But...

People who can't read shouldn't be deprived of gelatinous goodness.

Don't drink and drive - you could spill your beer!

Too good to be mine, but still hilarious. Congrats to the inventor - whoever you are.

Life is what happens when you're planning other things.

This is not mine. I don't know where I heard it. I just thought that when you think about it, it really is true.

It takes less muscles to smile, so smile and you won't be so tired. People who frown all the time need to cheer up and get a friend who makes them laugh.

I have a joke: How do you confuse a really very stupid person? And the answer is (drum roll): Put him in a round room and tell him (or her) to sit in the corner!