I am 100% Positive that I have always been 100% Negative about everything

I have worked 90% of my life waiting for the day that I could Retire.
And now that it's here I am too old to enjoy it!

With my age and health - I hope they will hurry up and invent head transplant ** I would love to have a 18 year old body again

If I had my friend's looks and my money, I would be one ugly broke sucker

Yes It is true you are only as old as you feel and I look very good for 189

I know that one man's trash is another man's treasure because all four of my X - wives got remarried

Brush your teeth or eats sweets before bed time ?

Scientific facts:
Remnants remain in mouth and between teeth
Consciousness of the world is suspended
99.99% all humans sleep with their mouth open

ALL insects are attracted to sweets

Instant Depression

Last night my five year old Granddaughter sixty years younger then me asked:
P-Paw will you be dead when I grow up ?

I was asked by a friend about a small cut just below my eye, My answer to him was -- " You know that when I get mad I also get vicious and brutal. Well this morning I had a very big argument with Myself, And then Me jumped in and hit My eye"

I believe in the old ways, " Eyes for a Eye and Teeth for a Tooth