Don't you hate it when your grandparents or whomever come up to you at weddings and pinch your cheeks saying, " your next your next?" I did. Well they stopped doing that crap when I started doing it to them at funerals

Quote from a humorous cop

" The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not..was mickey mouse a cat, or a dog?

"Life is hard, it's even harder when your dumb"