Love the one you love, hate the one you hate. But never hate the one you onced loved.

Dude. How's the chicken?

Love was much more simple when clothes didn't match and boys had cooties.

Welcome to dump city. Population: You

I knew I was nuts the day that squirrel looked at me funny

One day, your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn and got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions

Mission Happily Ever After: FAILED

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily on my bedroom window, so innocent. But I secretly know, that they're watching my every move. Plotting to hit me over the head with a large steel pipe and steal my shoe.

A friend will bail you outta jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you saying "Wasn't that awsome?!"