P&Q - suBmiT joKes... ((fOr NorHan..))

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9...

Lolz...Jus bored...

Now ur Turn..

Hahah...no Probs sweets..

Three Nuns

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.

The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."

The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"

There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.

A man holding a tea pot, a roster and a sour looking cat walk into a bar. the all sit on a stool each and the man says to the bar maid "hey sweaty can u get me a rum" the bar maid gets the shot of rum for the man. then the chicken pipes up and says "hey sweet tits, can u get me some corn?" the bar maid looks at the roster with unpleased look but gets the corn and gives it to the roster. the sour looking cat says to the bar maid " oi bitch, get me a saucer of milk" the bar maid turns around to the man with the tea pot and say "oi what the problem with these animals?" the man with the tea pot replys "see this tea pot? it has a Geney inside and i wished for a big cock, so he gave me this roster. and i wished for a sour pussy and he gave me this cat"

^^LOZL..NIce...

((MUAHZZ Norhan))

Funny Jokes - Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11.Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
12..It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the
bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play
chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go
somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.

A guy walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. All three walk over to the bar to order their drinks.
Barman - "what can I get you?"
Man - "I'll have a pint of your best beer please"
Ostich - "A 10 year old single malt whiskey, with 2 ice cubes, please"
Cat - "Get me a glass of wine, but I aint paying for it!!"
So the bartender gets all 3 drinks and tells the guy it would be 11.75, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact right amount (the bartender is suitably impressed)
The drink their drinks and leave.

The next night they come back in again, with the same order for drinks.
Man - "Pint of the same beer please, it was very nice"
Ostich - "Whiskey for me again, hold the ice this time"
Cat - "I'll have a large glass of wine this time, but there is no way I'm paying for it!!"
Barman - "15.60"
Again the guy pulls the exact amount out of his pocket.

This continues every night for a week, until the barman finally has to ask.
Barman - "So explain to me, how do you always get the exact amount of money when I ask for it?"
Man - "Well, see, I found a genie and he granted me 2 wishes. So I asked that every time i reach into my pocket I have the right amount of money for whatever I need to buy."
Barman - "Great idea, whether it's milk or a new car, you will always have enough. But what's the deal with these two (meaning ostrich and cat)"
Man - "Ah well, for my second wish I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pu**y"

^^ROFL....

HEHEHEHE So Funny

A policeman pulls over a blonde in a red corvette. He goes up to her window and says:
"Can I see your licence please?"
The blonde looks confused and says:
"What's that?"
The cop rolls his eyes and explains and after a while the blonde says:
"Oh yea! I have one of those!" and she pulls it out.
Then the cop says:
"Can I see your registration please?"
The blonde again looks confused and says:
"What's that?"
So they go through the same process and eventually she gets it and hands over the registration.
The cop goes back to his car and gets on his radio with some other cops. He says:
"Hey guys, I've got a really dumb blonde here. She didn't know what her licence or registration was."
The other cops laugh and ask if she's driving a red corvette. He says that she is and they tell her to go up to the car and drop his pants. At first he disagrees but they keep telling him to do it so eventually he agrees.
The cop walks up to the blonde and drops his pants and the blonde says:
"Oh no! Not another breathaliser!"

LOLZZZZZZZZ..........

Muahzz..

FUnny hahahah....

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

This is a blonde joke...

How do you confuse a blonde?

* Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

hahahahaha!!!

LOlz...funny....

How does a blonde kill a bird?
Throws it off a cliff.

How does a blonde kill a fish?
Drowns it.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

*It took me a while to get that last one lol

Oppsieee...

OMG^^^

A friend sent me this. Claims these are all real ads on shaadi.com. I have no idea, whether this is true or not. But, makes hilarious reading...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me
forever. she may
never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire
life can run smoothly. thank you
(((The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She should be good looking and should have a
service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be
educated.
(((ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)))

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i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because
of my luck now i
am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(((I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)))

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i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but
while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast by not wearing her jeans? (((Wat the hell...)))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER
OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY
PROFFESION AND THEY
SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(((all of us are loughing{laughing})))

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whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too
like this she would be called the woman of the lamp
(I(( am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this guy wants)))

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love
thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(((I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering
from "Ok-syndrome")))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother
sister complity marred
(((somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)))

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iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and
parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at
kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(((actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)))

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my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(((height of desperation! J )))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(((No comments)))

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hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other
caste accepted ...
(((but credit cards not
accepted..???)))

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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(((Zebra..???)))

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to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(((this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride.
I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one
soon.)))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My all time fav:

why did tigger stick his head down the toilet?

because he was looking for pooh!!!!

xx

Ive read of these two but still made me laugh..hahhaha..

*Hugs Norhan*

WOW

i think we have gotten to the lowest level of BORED>>>>lol but it made laugh!

Bill and Hillary are now married 40 years.
When they first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her, and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.

That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed and said "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much, and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that a few times is not that bad considering the years."
They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empty cans, I cashed them in."

Lmao.
I Loved This From The Moment I Heard It.
:]

LoOoOoOoOoL...