Paralyzed's 1st Poetry Contest

*******CONTEST CLOSED FOR JUDGING*******
*******CONTEST CLOSED FOR JUDGING*******

This is my first contest so be gentle lol I thought I would go with titles since I have a few floating around my head that I have yet to use.

Rules

No swearing
Atleast 3 stanza's
2 titles per poet
2 poets per title
Must be new
Have fun

Prizes

1st-7 comments
2nd-5 comments
3rd-3 comments

Titles

The Sinking Sun
-Polaroid-DONE
-sunsetwithyou-DONE

Destiny Has Fallen
-Leema-DONE
-

Afraid To Live, Scared To Die
-DarkSpirit
-Beautifully Nothing-DONE

Dancing Through Dewdrops
-NyellMoonlight-DONE
-

Inevitable
-Beautiful Chaos-DONE
-Lost and Confused-DONE

Kiss Me In The Morning
-Britt
-mRs SuNsHiiNe-DONE

Release
-
-Ashleigh Elizabeth-DONE

Shades of Grey
-
-

Tarnished Rose
-Sandra D-DONE
-

Hunger
-Leema-DONE
-DarkSpirit-DONE

Lingering
-Polaroid-DONE
-Jade-DONE

Softly I Sigh
-NyellMoonlight-DONE
-mRs SuNsHiiNe-DONE

One World
-Beautiful Chaos-DONE
-sunsetwithyou_DONE

Forgotten Love
-Newby-DONE
-

Oh yes the due date lol I forgot..Let's say...

March 31st

Heey, great titles, it was so hard to choose! Can I have Destiny has fallen and Hunger?

Thanks,

Em xXx

Oooo PS, when are they due?

xXx

Destiny Has Fallen

I don't believe in destiny
Or astrology or fate,
I believe that our lives are ours to live
And we are the ones who dictate

The choices that we choose to make,
The mistakes that we make too.
But one thing that I truly believe,
Is that I'm meant to be with you.

Don't ask me how I know it,
Or why I feel this way.
But when I look at you I feel,
More love that words can say.

I used to wonder what had happened to me,
And if something was wrong.
But I can finally see that,
With you is where I belong.

Destiny has fallen,
And with it I have too,
So I will keep on falling,
Even more in love with you.

Dancing Through Dewdrops
Softly I Sigh

Thanks :)

Afraid To Live, Scared To Die & Hunger

Thanks.

Hunger

For your warmth,
For your embrace,
Just one more chance,
To see your face.

To hold you close,
And never let go.
To kiss you quick,
Then kiss you slow.

To feel your touch,
Upon my skin,
And send my head,
Into a spin.

To feel the rhythm,
Of your heart.
To be together,
And not apart.

To grasp your hand,
Take it in mine.
And feel the tingle,
Run down my spine.

To be kept safe,
All through the night.
To hear you tell me
"We'll be alright."

For your hands,
To trace my form.
To keep me protected,
And keep me warm.

I have a hunger,
For you and your touch,
And all because,
I love you so much.

Lingering please, good luck

polaroid

Shades of grey and tarnished rose please and thank you :]]
ill unreserve one if i cant finish it in time

thanks :]

Inevitable & One World please

Lingering

Blue days forever blue.
For you see its been two,
full days of hate.

I thought you were my friend.
You thought I'd be willing to send,
all my friendship to you.

I trusted you, I was wrong to say.
I'm just a piece in this game you play.
I'm just another person to ignore.

So the next time you say "hi"
I won't listen, but inside I'll sigh.
You hurt me bad, understand.

But that little voice inside me,
tells me I'm wrong, you see.
I was the one being the bully.

Thats not true, and that I know.
I can't say "hi" you'll just hurt me again, so,
remember that, and maybe you'll change.

Every time you look at me,
and your eyes and mine are what I see,
All I'll be able to see is hatred.

But for that second when I've forgotten,
all you've done and said to me,
My eyes will linger, a friend you'd be.

POLAROID

Sinking sun please

Sinking Sun

My time is limited.
My life almost gone.
Happiness slowly draining.
Head slowly lowering.

Sinking into oblivion.
Leaving out all the rest.
Nestling into silence.
Alone, with myself.

I wish for help.
But I know I can't.
I know its time to go.
I know this is what
has to be done.

But understand I left,
on my own free will,
and that my new life,
will bring me more happiness.

Promise me, though,
that no matter where I am,
You'll remember who I was.
Please don't forget me.

And so down I go, goodbye all.
Just like that sorrowful
sinking sun going down,
under the horizon.

POLAROID

Well, i was just about to reserve, but i see that the title i was going to use has been reserved twice- sigh, but thank you for the good title idea!

[Kiss Me In The Morning]

I just thought of a line that works really well, so i am off to write.

Thank you!

edit-spelling

Hey, can I do Release, and Lingering.

Hi!
Could I have One World and The Sinking Sun?
Thanks!

Inevitable

Pages inked with sorrow
Stained with tears of joy
Stories passing down through time
The mind did not destroy

Youth so filled with fancy
Adulthood came too soon
Dreams are cast among the stars
Where bitter ends lay strewn

Aging wisdom fills the eyes
With things we've never known
Blindness cured by sands of time
Winds of change have blown

Nothings promised in this world
Save death, the one sure bet
One has to learn and live through pain
Or burn inside regret

Tears will pour in joy and sorrow
Smiles will come and go
Everyday that passes by
More blessed than we know

Hunger

In the nightmarish street these buildings melt,
I can't see the light
because liquid stone sealed the moon
behind a facade of obligations and consequences,
where dead deers bleed last purple drops.

- The hunt morphed into broken bridge-

Chaos indicate the fall;
trying to wash away
the last night from the face
I'll distort my sanguinary laving
in the prison of rusty dots
which connected in orchestra of dead.

- I'm hungry, and my magnificent prey is already eaten-

Come, stop, fall-
I'll go mad cause they take my heavens;
fragile soul hides behind fragile bones
of fragile man who made fragile energy
even more fragile,
with the fragility of his heart.
Fragility of fragility is just a reflection
of my drunkenness with silver.

Dancing Through Dewdrops

I cherish swirling winds and their whispering illusions
embedded into footsteps over moisten ground-
metaphorical magic of pulsating leafy stories
narrated to excite green-folded mind.

Calm my spirit with those priceless notes-
teach me how to sing spring's yellow melodies;
I still carry around frigid, wintry memories
so, I'll beseech verdant tunes to finally replay.

Purified serenity amaze ragged senses,
licking dewdrops from scarred fingertips,
dancing, avidly drinking dawn's nectars,
merging with perfection of simple, morning kiss.

Softly I Sigh

Love me with delicate, velvet sensations,
owning every sorrowful heartbeat
plunged in sapphire reincarnations-
wrapped in silky emotions, softly I sigh.

Lustful imagery colors sentiments
as wordplays cleanse impure mind
weeping in rhythms of decaying agony-
guided by visions, softly I sigh.

Lucid desires overflow nothingness
entwining with patterns of hues so real,
embedding into spiritual, silent dawns-
captured within vividness, softly I sigh.

One World

People look, but do not see,
They see, but do not care,
Every time you look away,
You heighten that despair.

We feast like kings while others starve,
Lay warm while others freeze,
Here at home or far away,
Blindness, the disease.

The faint of heart who come to wallow,
Believe life shall remain,
Everything we've come to loathe,
Bathed in tears and pain.

Deserved, hopeless days ahead,
No strength to even try,
They do not see their lives connected,
To either you or I.

Tight closed eyes or open wide,
The answer is the same,
This world and life is what we've made,
We're tied by strings of shame.

I would like to have "Inevitable" ... I'm feeling the mood to write that poem :P

"Inevitable"

I've tried to avoid you,
I ran away with my heart,
But nothing I could do,
Would tear us apart,

Your cute smiles and glances,
Kept me trapped, lost in a stare,
I tried to ignore all the chances,
Telling myself you're not being fair,

The dreams came to me every night,
I wrestled with my pillows and sheets,
I told myself this isn't right,
But for you, my heart still beats,

I gave up, in love with you I fell,
I tried to prepare myself for the worst,
Expecting that forever I'd be in hell,
And my life would continue to be cursed,

Now my heart feels like a feather,
The storm inside me has subsided,
All that's left is good weather,
And our futures have been decided,

I've failed to avoid you,
I couldn't hide my heart,
There was nothing I could do,
Nothing can ever tear us apart.

I love the titles! could i have Afraid to live, scared to die? please and thank you

Afraid to Live, Scared to Die

The morning light,
It hurts my eyes
I'm afraid to live
But too scared to die

The light of my life
I cannot give
Because I am scared to die,
but too afraid to live

Which way is up
I can no longer say
I want to see tomorrow
But I can't deal with today

I'm on the fence
And I want to fall
I want to say screw it
And get rid of it all

I can't keep on going
It just makes me cry
Because I'm afraid to live,
But too scared to die.

One World

Tonight I crossed the bridge that leads to the other side
Following a voice I've heard all my life,
And all this time I've been painfully searching
You have never wavered, you were always watching,
And every moment I've been lead astray
They told me I would never see you again,
And yet I stand at your side tonight
We are alive under the city lights.

"Breathe and never stop" you whisper in my ear
"Sing aloud for everyone to hear,
Show them the words I live to read
Don't hide the beauty so many seek",
And softly you sing the final lullaby
That ends each night with tears in my eyes.

There is only one world in which we lie
Where dreams are dreamt and wishes fly
Towards the stars, and in the sadness of night
Falling back to earth in the morning light,
That awakens me from the one world you are mine
Though you co-exist five hours forward in time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------

The Sinking Sun

Each morning I awake from the saddest dream ever told
As Helios drapes me in his cloak of gold,
For I have left the world in which my dream resides
A place beyond the swelling seas and tides.

If Prometheus be with whom I share my fate
That I should abandon Helios for his own sake,
I gladly would run west to the furthest land
Escaping to where shore meets sand.

As night pierces his heart in a vermillion sigh
Crimson rushes through the veins of the sky,
And like the sinking sun into the ocean's murky grave
I too sigh, as I drift below the dark waves.

I finished one :]

Tarnished Rose
-->Sandra D

The rose he gave her
Lies on her bed
But something looks wrong
Maybe it's just in her head

No one else realizes
How much she's changed
And what that rose reflects
Is exactly the same

He struck her so much
Tears formed in her eyes
And that very second
The petals just died

He went out one night
And didn't come home
That was the moment
The stem turned to stone

The petals have wilted
The stem has turned black
She doesn't want to keep it
But she can't give it back

Can I please have:

"Kiss Me In The Morning"
&
"Softly I Sigh"

I'll get them by tomorrow.
Thanks!

Lingering

Broken and battered she falls to the floor
The damage you cause is to much to bare
Tears stain her depressed looking face
Never can she escape your cold unwanted stare

Your voice rings frighteningly in her ear
Nightmares take place of her once happy dreams
Each day is a challenge, and shes left wondering
Can she make it a day without hearing those screams

In her eyes you can see the pain
You cause her suffering each and everyday
Can't you tell that she's had quite enough
You brought her into this world,
...is this the price she has to pay?

She flinches at the slightest touch
Drowning away in the darkest fear
The scars you have left upon her body
Remind her consistently of each last tear

Black bruises cover a broken souls body
Give her no shelter from any pain
Your presence will always remain lingering
Like the smell of blood when a bodies been slain

"Softly I Sigh"

There you sit
Smiling
And it's you I watch
Wanting
But you don't even know
What it is you do to me
So I keep on watching
And wanting
As I bleed

Every time I look at you
Every time I talk to you
Every time I smell you
My heart continues
Melting
And I am forever
Dreaming

Whenever you pass me by
Whenever you catch my eye
I feel like I want to cry
Because of what it is you do to me

Your eyes
Gleaming
And your lips
Pleading
And your hands
Exploring
While my heart remains
Bleeding

Every time you look at me
I wonder what it is you see
Every time you talk to me
And I hear that beautiful voice
My knees get weak
My stomach flutters
My chest collapses
My neck hairs tingle
And I stop breathing
Just in that moment in time
When you do what it is you do to me

As I sit here
Yearning
I imagine you
Sleeping
And I want to hold you endlessly
Forever in my arms for eternity
I'll continue
Dreaming
As long as you are
Living
Breathing
Being

.:CiNdY LoPeZ:.
.:March 24, 2008:.

"Kiss Me In The Morning"

I have feelings of love for the guy I see.
Does he love me too,
What does he think of me?

I wish I could tell him he makes me whole.
But I'm afraid to say,
What's deep in my soul.

I don't want to lose him, for I would be alone.
And some days I just can't wait,
To hear his voice on the phone.

He does certain things to make me feel loved.
Some days he wants to be alone,
And my heart is shoved.

I want to feel as though I am his safeguard.
The one he can come to
When things get hard.

I will always be there to help him along,
And before we met I wasn't as strong,
As I am now with him.

I wish I could tell him what I feel inside.
But I'm afraid of what he'll say,
How he'll act on the outside.

.:CiNdY LoPeZ:.
.:March 24, 2008:.

I have extended the due date and messaged those who still have yet to submit, if anyone needs more time please let me know.

Guh, i cant get it right... so im gonna unreserve Shades of Grey

I will leave my critique for each piece and then give placings.

Leema~Destiny Has Fallen~I think you could work on the flow, some lines are a little too wordy, try keeping your syllables a little closer, line by line. I thought it was a good effort though, it could be great with a little work. 6.5/10

Leema~Hunger~ I like the feeling behind it, that sweetness, but again taking a word out here and there or changing one, would do wonders to pull it together a little tighter. For Example in line 6 changing never to not, also take "and" out of the last line of the 4th stanza, the 5th stanza is a little off for me as well I would have arranged it more like:

To grasp your hand,
Inside of mine.
To feel that tingle,
Down my spine.

6/10

Polaroid~Lingering~This is my favorite part of this write:

But for that second when I've forgotten,
all you've done and said to me,
My eyes will linger

The rest read like a letter to me, I don't know if you meant it that way. I think you could have played with your vocab and flow a little more.

5/10

Polaroid~Sinking Sun~I know "it's" time to go & "of" my own free will, these are the only 2 things I see grammatically. I like the soft sadness behind the piece, but again I think I would play with the vocab more and get a little more descriptive. I think you did capture the title though, nice work.

6.5/10

Newby~Forgotten Love~His "life" had moved on, is what I assume you meant. I like the way you started off the poem, you had me until the last stanza, it just does not read right for me, I think if you reworked that, it would be great. It just really threw me off.

6./10

Ashleigh Elizabeth~Release~Many spelling mistakes. I found the piece too wordy, I think it could be tighten up quite a bit, but it was a good start. It just reads a little too slow for me. Taking out a few words here and there would pull it together.

5/10

Beautiful Chaos~Inevitable~I really enjoyed this piece, i think you did a great job, the flow is spot on and you had me with the first line. This was my favorite stanza:

Nothings promised in this world
Save death, the one sure bet
One has to learn and live through pain
Or burn inside regret

Great job! 8.5/10

Beautiful Chaos~One World~this is one of my favorites :) I really love the way you started it, what it said, how it flowed together, just great. So much truth behind it as well, the only thing I can really say against it is it feels like it could be longer to me, I think you could really expand on this piece and dig a little deeper, but I enjoyed it none the less. Great work!

9/10

DarkSpirit~Hunger~You are very good with description and painting pictures with your words, you kept me reading in that way, but I didn't really get any feeling from it, I think it almost seems forced and over complex, but you certainly do have a way with words.

7.5/10

NyellMoonlight~Dancing Through Dewdrops~Another word smith in our midst ;) I love the flow of your words, they carry you from one line to the next, along with your wonderful vocab skills, but there were a couple of spots it just felt a little overdone. Again I think it is great to widen our knowledge of language, sometimes we can over do it a little I think. I like these three lines:

Calm my spirit with those priceless notes-
teach me how to sing springs yellow melodies;
I still carry around frigid, wintry memories

They stand out the most for me. Moisten in the second stanza should be moistened though I believe.

8/10

NyellMoonlight~Softly I Sigh~ Again you have a beautiful way with words and as above, sometimes you just lose it in the wordiness(is that a word lol) of it all. You definitely have some skills though. Nice work.

8/10

Lost and Confused~Inevitable~While I like the sentiment behind the piece, I think it was lacking in imagination, unlike some other, it was just a little too simple and the flow was off. Changing a few words here and there and removing some would bring it together nicely, but it was a nice try none the less, good work.

6/10

Beautifully Nothing~Afraid to Live, Scared to Die~I really enjoyed this one. The only advice I can offer is I think the word "but" isn't really necessary in the 4th line, I would also take out "but too" in the 8th line. I really enjoyed it other wise and thought you did a great job with the title. Great job!

8/10

Sunsetwithyou~One World~I thought this was a very sweet write. This is may favorite part:

"Breathe and never stop" you whisper in my ear
"Sing aloud for everyone to hear,
Show them the words I live to read
Don't hide the beauty so many seek",

It feels so romantic and encouraging to me. You took the title where I had not thought it would go, but then I guess anyone could go anywhere with it lol Nice work.

7.5/10

Sunsetwithyou~The Sinking Sun~"beyong" should be "beyond" other than that I love this write. I really like the way you tied it in with the title and the characters you used as well. It was a short but enjoyable read and I like your descriptions as well. Nice work.

8.5/10

Sandra D~Tarnished Rose~I really enjoyed this piece and the way you went with the death of the rose, it was some good descriptive writing. I would probably clean up the final lines though.

She doesn't want to keep it
But she can't give it back

I would change these lines to: She wants not to keep it, But can't give it back. rearranging in the second and 3rd stanza would help the flow as well, but I really enjoyed reading this piece, nice work.

8/10

Jade~Lingering~Some great emotion in this piece, very nice. I really like the way you ended it. In line 2 it should be "too much" and shes in line 7 "she's",
I think you could pull it together a little more and improve the flow, but it was an enjoyable write either way. Nice work.

7.5/10

mRs SuNsHiiNe~Softly I Sigh~I really enjoyed this one Cindy :) It almost feels musical to me. The description , the feeling, I think many can relate. My favorite part was the first stanza, but I really enjoyed the way you ended it as well. Nice work.

8/10

mRs SuNsHiiNe~Kiss Me In The Morning~I didn't enjoy it as much as your first write, but I like the sentiment behind it. I think a few different word choices would bring it together a lot better, the flow was a little spotty for me, I liked the second stanza though, I think it stood out the most for me.

6.5/10

Thanks so much for your entries everyone, I hope no one takes offense to my comments, everyone reads differently and has different tastes, nothing is meant to be hurtful, only helpful, that being said the winners are:

1st:Beautifully Nothing~Afraid To Live, Scared To Die~7 comments

2nd:Beautiful Chaos~One World~5 comments

3rd:Sandra D~Tarnished Rose~3 comments

HM~Sunsetwithyou~The Sinking Sun~2 comments

Congrats everyone!

Please PM me titles or I will just start choosing random ones that catch my eye tomorrow.

Thank you sooo much. i am glad you liked it. here are my titles:

absolute perfection
dear reflection
washed up
ana
sarah
today

and i wasn't sure if my "afraid to live, scared to die" was going to be counted in that 7 or not. if it is, cool. if not, could you also do "how to say goodbye"?

once again, thank you so much. congrats everybody

Way to go everyone, congrats! Thanks for the placing :) Any of my titles that catch your eye would be great, I have many in need of comments.

Oh my gosh thank you! any titles that catch your eye would be fine :]]]]]