Fun Jokes

A nice fun and cheesy joke can brighten anyone's day!

where does a one legged lady work

ihop

Knock knock.

whos there?

olive.

olive who?

olive here so let me in!!

Haha

what do you call an armless legless man who hangs on a wall?

Art!

Why did the man throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

I play the cymbals in band...

lol

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive".

The four open the door and look out below.

The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

;)

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, she said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?

Little Boy Blew.

What's worse than 7 babies nailed to a tree?
one baby nailed to 7 trees!
(my bff told me that one to me last night, after she heard it from one of her other friends)

(uh oh, a few dead baby jokes from a friend of mine who knows them all)

Whats the difference between a dead baby and an el camino? Theres no el camino in my garage.

What's more fun than swinging a sack of babies around? Stoppin it at with a shovel.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you slam em against it.

A little boy comes in crying to his mother.
Mother: What's wrong Billy?
Billy: Dad hit his finger REALLY hard with a hammer
Mother: **chuckles** You should be laughing then!
Billy: I did...

HAHA you guys crack me up!

Lmao. you guys are funny!

Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkled?
'Cos if they were small, white and round they'd be Asprins.

Knock knock

whos there?

lettus

lettus who?

let us in!

lolz

Knock Knock!

Who's There?

Olga!

Olga Who?

Olga Mad If You Don't Lemme In!

:)

One day a man asked a woman, do you have a minute, and the woman replied give me one minute to think about it :)

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.

Q:What's invisible and smells like carrots??

A:A Bunny Fart.

xDDD

.:Danielle:P.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were at a spa. They were all in the bathroom looking a big mirror. A custodian walks in and says "If you say something true in front of that mirror, you'll get your wish, but if you say something false in front of it, you'll be sucked into the mirror forever." Well, the redhead walks up to the mirror and says, "I think that I'm the prettiest here." and she gets a brand new car. The brunette sees this and walks up the mirror and says, "I think I'm the smartest one here." and she gets a brand new house. The blonde sees this and walks up to the mirror and says, "Well, I think--" and she was sucked into the mirror forever.

^^^HA HA HA!!!

Q: How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. 1 to hold the bulb and 99 to turn the room round.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white?

A Penguin rolling down a hill!

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to dinf it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

SPELL ihop and then SAY ness

Its nastyy xD

One day a blonde was walking down a street and she saw a brunette standing by the road saying, "28, 28, 28, 28..." The blonde walks over to her and asks, "Can I say that, too?" The brunette nods her head and they say, "28, 28, 28..." together. After a little while, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "You know, this is more fun if you go stand in the middle of the road." The blonde runs out to the middle of the road and says, "28, 28, 2-" and gets run over by a car. The brunette smiles and says, "29, 29, 29, 29..."

^ I heard that one with train tracks. haha.

A man died, and at his funeral, his three best friends decided to pay their respects. The first man, a frenchman, walks up to the casket, sighs and says "Im sorry I never paid you this sooner" and drops $40 into the casket. The second man, an englishman, walks up to the casket. Not wanting to be shown up, drops in 50$ and says "I should have paid you too." The third man, a scotsman, walks up to the casket. He doesn't say anything, writes out a check of $90, drops it into the casket, picks up the wad of cash in there and walks off. You can never outsmart a scotsman.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?

Because it said concentrate.

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself.
Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security officer runs over, hearing the commotion.

"What's going on here?"

"I don't know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

Haha that was gud. i cant think of any joke

Kemal: The police are looking for a man with one eye called Kamil Gezer.

Temel: Whats his other eye called?

Why did michal jackson go to k mart?

cuz he heard boys's pants were half off

So three men are hiking up a mountain, one is trailing behind. So the first two get to the top of the mountain, where theres a cliff. Then, a genie appears and says " whatever you say as you jump off this cliff will greet you at the bottom!"
so, the first man jumps, and yells "RICHES!!!" and lands in a huge pile of coin and gold and dies.
The second man, being more modest, hops off the edge and yells "pillows!" and lands in a huge feathery pile and climbs out alive.

Now the third man, seeing he has fallen behind, is running to catch up, trips on a rock and goes sailing over the edge yelling "OH SH*T!"

xD

A man went to a unisex salon for a trim and manicure. seated comfortably in the chair he said to the pretty manicurist, 'how about having a drink with me tonight?'

'i cant,' replied the girl. 'im married.'
'tell your husband you have to work late,' suggested the customer.

'you tell him,' said the manicurist. 'he is cutting your hair.'

At a party, a wife remarked proudly to the hostess. 'my husband dresses so well.'
'yes,' cooed the hostess, 'and so quickly'

^ I dont get that one... *reads it again, confused*

oh but I've got one,

There two muffins in the oven. The first muffin turned to the other and said "Boy, its hot in here!" The second muffin jumped and said "AAH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Lol it just means that the husband is cheating on his wife with the hostess... :)

i have another one:

One day a wife came home from the doctor's and told her husband "the doctor said im in good shape, and he ever admired my breasts" ... "did he" replied the husband "did he mention anything about your big fat ass?" ... "nope he didnt mention you" replied the wife