it went kinda like this....

here is kinda how it went ....i was born and the world was shoved into a spiraling vortex of shit:) so now i feel like iif i die then the world would be a better place...ive tried the cutting and pillz and ODing and everything else but yeah i need help anyone? you dont have to answer my cry for help cuz no one does but anyways thank you for reading at least...

~*AngelOfPain*~

How exactly do you want help? In advice form: I would suggest getting a doctor. If you need to talk about your problems, then go ahead and keep posting here.

You're only 14, you're still quite young and you've got a long life ahead of you. I was dragged through life and pressured into making some of the same mistakes that you did, but in the end its just not worth it. You have to keep searching for the one thing that makes you happy. In my case it was love. Don't ever give up on love. I was about to and then I met the love of my life, and curiously enough, we met off this website. So it just goes to show that you find your happiness where you least expect it. Dont give up hope on life and it won't give up on you.

--Bryce~

see thats the thing mom wont allow anything to do with docs or therapists becuase she thinks she has it under control...she ignores me and she thinks she is the problem so if she ignores me then ill stop but nothing seems to help that fact...it isnt her either it was somthing else i was walking through town when i was jumped by some drunk guy ...

u realy do need to stop cutting. i know its hard and its adictive but u just have to stop. think of the promices u r brakeing and te hurt u cus others and yourself. alot of my friends have been cutters before and they all found the strength to stop an du can to but u realy have to want it more for yourself then ne other. thats realy the best advice i can give u and for the being jumped thing it wasn't your fault so dont feel giulty dont let them hurt u more then they already have just move past those types of things. and your mom i dont know what to say we have opposet problems on that 1 my mom WONT leave me alone shes begging my to go to theripy and a doctor and personly i would rather be ignored. im hear if u wanna talk more

~Kathleeny~

today i was told i was a controling bitch ny two of my good friends ... so i told them they should die because really they should they are the bitches ...

thats a happy story...

yeah if you look at it upside down maybe ..becuase then nothing makes sense and when nothing makes sense everything is okay becuase you dont know that it isnt...so it's all okay even though it's not ...im gonna shut up now and stop complaining...

~*AngelOfPain*~

i think things are gonna get alot better for me now...mom got me a horse and all this time i thought she was ignoreing my everyword...i do belive horses are healers..and i will heal damnit i will heal if it takes me my entire life:) anyone who thinks therapy only drags you even more down under you should know that horses and riding pulls you to the top:) good luck and thank you alll;)

~*angelofpain*~

I was being sarcastic. But that last one definately sounds like a happier story.

i love sarcasm i also dislike it but anyways i dont know what im saying so ill leave now heh......

~*AngelOfPain*~

wow new problems arrive everyday .... today the problem is there is no school tomorrow the roads are like piled high with snow from the avalanches and the only place i can at least pretend to be happy is at my school...but nooooooooooo the stupid snow has to ruin my life somemore and my friends is sooooooo pissed off at me .. i dont know what i did and im so confused i dont even know who i am anymore:( ive lost myself..if it 's even possible..

Angelofpain

Just think of the people in the world who have never seen snow. I mean it's the middle of summer here, the flies are out and everyone is outside having fun except me. My advice is 1. talk to your friends. 2. if that doesn't work make new friends. 3. If ya want some help go and get it yourself, you don't need your mother for that. 4. Remember who you used to be and aim to become that person again.

"aim to become that person again" very true but i dont like the person i used to be..i mean i dont know the person i am now but she isnt doing any harm but uhhg the old me was horrible..no taste in clothing..lied all the time..thought she was all that ...but but she had a perfect life no cutting or ODing..her mom didnt ignore her and she was ...she was happy ..the new me doesnt lie and has a very good selection in clothing ... it's pretty esasy since all i wear is black...... but my life isnt perfect i do cut and i did OD i have insomnia and nothing seems to go right for me..i mean i have to put up an act, fake happiness, at school everyday to make sure no one knows that the new me, the one they all like , is actually hurting and slowly dying..i mean my closest friend knows everything thats wrong with me she is helping me recover but slower then can help i mean im thankful for her help but just her alone cant pull me through this... and i am thinking of the ppl who have never seen snow im also thinking about how i can help all the tsunami victims better then our canadian idiots who had two arrive fucking three weeks later it may as well been three fucking years. yet i still dont get why we dont rush around the world raising millions of dollars for the 45,000 children who die everyday i mean italy and them rushed to the tsunami incident within the third day but still all tehy can do for the poor dying sickly ppl in asia and all them places is adveritse the poor sickly children and ask ppl to phone thier number htingy. i mean yeah it's a good thing they are doing this for the tsunami victims but i mean like where the hell do you put 45,00 bodies of small children in a day ????? okay im gonna shut up now before i get the whole fucking world as mad at me as i am at it....*sigh*

~*AngelOfPain*~

ok no one will help you kill yourself. No one CAN help you kill yourslef. If you want it to happen, like really bad like there is nothing you want more, it will happen, but im not gunna sit here and help you plann out your death. its just being selfish. you may think that you would be doing everyone a fsvore, but your really not. Think about the people that love you and care about you, your friends, family, how would they feel. how would you feel if they killed thierselve? Is your death really that important to you?

Thank you both Kas and Ash ...
uhh i never asked anyone to help me plan my death thats already done i just know that if i dont talk to someone right away my plans are gonna follow through and i dont want that to happen BECAUSE i know it would just cuase more shit and sorrow in my family and my friends familys. And i am not selfish ...i live in bc in a fucking sshack im greatful i even have internet and a computer that our landlord gave to me it isnt the nicest thing but hey it works right, mom doesnt have a job and she insists our landlord do it just cuz he was her bf once then they broke up ..ive had two bf's who dumped me for some stupid bitch and the other cuz i had a rottweiler dog which was recently confenscated because we dont have proper living conditions good enough for a dog..they didnt take my cats though cuz they were out door cats ... i mean the rotti was in perfect condition but no we didnt have proper living conditions so w/e and every time i think of it no my death isnt important to me it's important to no one.. "Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone"~ some random person

THank you and good day
~*AngelOfPain*~

if you would have read a little closer it explians why i am ot seeing a counseller and would you please mind not coming into a depression board if your only going to put ppl down? it would really help..

you should be in the stuck up bitches board ..
lalala

~*AngelOfPain*~

That wasnt nice angel. She wasn't putting you down. She was making a suggestion. i think that saying you should get help is better than calling someone a stuck up bitch. She is right. Even if you can't get a counselor there are ways to stop. I havent cut in almost two weeks. Its the hardest thing to remember i'm stopping, but I keep a rubber band on my wrist that says... 2 weeks Friday, January 21. and when that friday comes around, I'll get a new one and write "Three weeks, Friday, January 28. I don't know if it will help you, but it's helping me so maybe it will work for you. If you ask me, feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere.

casey

Oh, and my friend has been raped three times in the last 3 or 4 years. She cuts, and her mom gets really mad about it, but i help her. She hasnt cut in a month or so. If you really want to, You can talk to me by emailing me.

i see what your saying and i am actually doing somthing im in the midst of trying to work to take my mind off the cutting thing and im making money so i can buy a horse cuz turns out mom never got me one she was just messing with me.. she started talking to me two days ago and it felt great to know that she still knows im alive... im sorry about the rape .. i dont live in a city i live in a small town with a pop of about 200 ppl and that shit doesnt happen around here although i was attacked by a drunken idiot but i got away..that was actually in the larger town with a pop of about 700 ppl.. but anyways enough nonsense i am getting help ..my own help and some help from some friends.. they figured somthing was up when i was coming to school half dead from insomnia.. they are talking to the school counseler and mom is freaking out. i am having different thoughts come into my head about why she was ignoring it..i think she is scared i might be taken away and i dont want that to happen so im trying really hard to stop..i truly am..im getting into some more extra carucilar activities to take my mind off it..im especially glad my friends didnt dump me on my ass to deal with it by myself...

~*AngelOfPain*~

haha you think that stuff only happens in the city? I don't live in the city... Location has nothing to do with it. Rape happens anywhere and everywhere. You can't go through life being naive enough to believe that nothing will ever happen because you live in a small town.

ommg rape n stuff does happen in small towns im in one n ggeze do i now !!! it happens alrite n i can prove it !!! luv lidxxxXxx

Try helping someone else and see how you feel about yourself knowing you have made a difference in someone elses life. Maybe forget about yourself and your problems and do something out of character and completely selfless for another person, youd be suprised at the change it can cause in your attitude towards yourself and your life.

"No man is worthless if he can lighten the burden of another"

-Quote I dont know who wrote this but i commend them because it is one of the truest statements I have ever heard

Stay smiling :o)
Eirisa xxox

i have helped alot of ppl to many ppl and it seems that they dont trust me anymore or if it's my friends our friendship bond tears a little and it's like i cant talk to them n e more cuz it feels weird .. i dubbo but we are moving and im kicked off the computer till feb 1st so ill ttyl then
~*Angel Of Somthin...*~

hey if you need sum1 to talk to email me acusack89
@yahooo.com
I cutt and used to pop pills, so i knpw what its like.

hey sorry to hear about this i think that you should talk to a friend or someone like a teacher or a counsilar that you trust that will do you some good... so good luck

candi

ok i have had a heck of a week...i was beat up at school for no reason..well maybe it was because i was a freak and no one likes me and my friend ran away after her mom threw a plate at her and craked hr skull just behind the ear..i have decided to stop cutting and stop eating meat.. thats all im not sure if i am ever gonna come back here im not sure if i am ever gonna write another fucked up poem/ comment...

Goddbye

~*AngelOfPain*~