Why is it so hard

Why is it so hard to tell my family how much pain i am in, that i cut every day for the past 3 years?

how can they not see the pain when they are around me all the time?

how can people at school not see the cuts on my arm when i ware short -sleeve shirts?i know it is visible.

is it better that nobody knows?

how would they react if they did know?

what would they say, how would they act, what would they do?

i dont expect anybody to be able to tell me the answer to all my question, when i can even answer them mysefl, but i thank all that try to.

Sweety. you are aware that they are visible and that poeple notice. Maybe your family is the last people who you want to tell beacuse your afraid of disappointing them. Talk about it cutting yourself is never the answer. them not seeing ur maybe might be beacuse your not showing them and letting them know. if you can answer teh questions on your own then think hard and deep into your heart its never too late to change your ways. no one at school is saying anything but im sure your can hear the rumors going around. talk to soemone and if you trust peopl online more than your schopol or family thats fine i know i trusted people online more beacuse they wouldnt judge me on how i looked but how i acted and who i truely was. im here for you if you need me
*Alisha*

If people truely do notice....y dont they say something?
mabye if somebody would act like they cared even just a lil' bit i wouldnt feel so alone,like an outcast, invisible, unlove, useless, ulgy (inside and out), ect.
but never not once has it happened.

and i know i have to talk to my family ab it but i cant bring myself to do it. no matter how many times i try , now matter how many different ways , i just cant!

They may be afraid to confront you about it or maybe they just don't know how to help you handle it...or maybe they think that it'd be too much weight to put on their shoulders

either way talk to a counsiler about it. you will find that they help a lot. I never wanted to go to them for anything but they really do help :) then once you feel comfortable tell your friends and let them know you want and need help. if they are truly your friends they will step forward and provide support.

telling your family is by nature the hardest thing for anyone to do, so you're not alone. just make sure to keep them informed. you don't have to tell them all that's going on but maybe when you come in after a long day say, "hey, I've started going to the school counsiler" or "I've been having a few problems lately but I'm getting help". letting them know what's what will make you feel a whole lot better, trust me!

Mabye i do want someone to know....
im not sure. but i know i am afarid to tell anyone and of how they will react.

i like my feedom.....and if i say something, im afriad i will loose it.

i dont want to be watched 24/7 and have my parents afraid that if i am alone for 1 min i will kill myself.

and i retract my statement that nobody ever noticed....there was one of my friends (who moved away not long ago) . she saw the word LOVE carved in my forarm before she left......and made me promis not to do it again.

but that is where the true me shows....i lied to my best friend just so i could cut. i betrayed the trust of the one person who may have cared for my addiction to cutting. ya, i felt, and still do, horrible that i lied but what was i saposed to do? let her tell my parents.

i just dont know anymore.

like hamlet said:
to be or not to be that is the question

and a question it is, unanswerable then and it is still, i dont know the answer

do you?

You wish someone would notice and care, but when will you notice and care? It's a hard lonely road, but we make the choice to walk it. Questiosn are all well and good but what purpose do they serve if we truly don't want the answers?

Ok confucius,
that is deep and all but who are you to say i dont care.....if i didnt care would i be asking for help right now? i think now
i do care, it just not enough.
and who is to say that we make the choice to walk this cold, hard road?
i dont think that if given a choice i would have picked unhappy, unloved & invisible over loved , seen & happy

who would?
nobody

It is easy to ask a bunch of strangers questions you already know the answers to, it is facing the truth that's hard. If you want to help yourself you will, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or does, it matters what you do. No one put a blade in your hand and put a gun to your head everyday for the last 3 years and made you cut, like the rest of us you made that decision, own it.

The thing is i dont know the answers. who really does? is there even 1 right answer?

that choise i did make. but it was only the last of many choices that i had no say in.
and it helped me feel like i was in a form of control.
i may not be able to control everything but i can control my pain. the thing is not i NEED to have that control.

We can't always control every aspect of our lives, be we do choose where we go when something goes wrong. We choose what we use to control the stress in our lives, like any other addiction in our lives, we have to be able to admit, not only to ourselves, but others, that we have a problem and then we have to take the scary first step of truly trying to help ourselves. Change is even scarier because after so long cutting feels so normal to us.

Lol
your prob right
i would tell them to F' off and that it was none of their bussiness.
but i have mixed feelings ab everbody knowing
i dont want them to know
but then again i do
i want to let everybody know so i can stop
so i can LIVE
instead of slowly dying as i am now

Btw: sam is now sweet escape
just so you guys know

Maybe people have noticed but they are working out how to say anything

mayb? I dunno

xx

Because people are stupid. that's the onyl answer i can think of....sorry hun. if u ever need to talk, i have an ear.

^That's cool, I have two ears!^
What happened to your other one?

lol I'm kidding. I really have nothing productive to say that hasn't already been said, I just had to get my laugh in.

Perhaps, you should stop cutting and be happy? It sounds hard but it really isn't since it seems like your doing it for all the wrong reason to begin with. This topic makes you seem like you cut for attention and that's a big no no. Instead of abusing your body and playing with death why don't you just talk to your parents or friends about your life and force their attention out of them?