..I don't know it anymore

I know it's a long story, but I could really use some help.

(A little background information about me: until end past year, I was a really shy girl. I absolutely wasn’t sure of myself, I never thought I was beautiful or something.. more the opposite. I never had a boyfriend before and I'd never thought any boy would like me or even would be in love with me..)

Oké here's the thing:
Two years ago (when I was that shy girl) I heard from his friends he (let's call him “R”) was in love with me. Which I just didn’t understand. He barely knows me.. How can you love a person you don't know?..
Unsure as I was, I didn't believe that. I thought it was a stupid kind of joke or something.. Anyway, I didn't believe anyone could be in love with me.
His friends pushed me to talk to him. But I couldn't.. I was too shy.. and I still couldn't believe it. I said to them (with some help of some friends) “R” had to begin a conversation with me if he was really interested.
I spoke him 4 times on msn.. He said he was really shy, and he couldn’t talk to me because of that. I didn't know what to think of that.
Once he said, on msn, he really liked me.. I didn't know what to answer so I typed a blush emoticon.. he left.

He ignored me or so it seemed, just at the moment I was falling for him. And I tried to forget him. Few weeks later, I went to a birthday party of a friend, he was there too.. I didn't know that. I saw him there. We didn't spoke each other there.
An other friend of mine asked him if he still liked me. I hoped he did. But I shaked my head ‘no’, cause I though he would say ‘no’. He looked at me and said ‘no’.
I still wonder if he had said ‘no’ if I didn't shaked my head.

In the meanwhile, I met a guy ( let's call him “G”), who was very nice. He just talked to me, and we had good conversations..
Valentines Day. I got an e-card of “R” he wrote he wanted to talk to me and that I had to come to him, cause he was too shy.. At the end he wrote he loved me. I sent back that if he wanted to talk he had to come to me, cause I was shy also.
A few days later I'd heard he denied he ever wrote me an e-card. I was really angry at him, cause I made a fool of myself by writing him back. I felt betrayed.
Then there was Carnival (a feast were everybody goes in disguise, getting drunk and all that stuff.. very funny most of the time). We have vacation then. I was in a disco drinking a little bit with some friends.. “G” was dancing next to me and came closer and closer and then suddenly we kissed. He still talked to me on msn and we still had good conversations. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. I thought “R” didn't like me anymore, and I thought I was over him.. And “G” was very nice to me, so it seemed right.

During our relationship of bf-gf, I was happy, I found someone who took me as I am, who was really sweet to me, who comfort me, who I could talk to and he know he could tell me everything. And for the first time, I knew for sure, somebody loved me in that way.
I’m sure I was in love with him.. but sometimes I thought about “R” and if it could have worked if I didn't shaked my hear that day, or if I’d said ‘no’ to “G” when he asked me. I must admit, I searched for him (“R”) down the hall of school, and when we have classes together, I sometimes look at him very quick. And sometimes I saw he was looking quick at me too, but it could be my imagination. I also have to admit, I wrote a poem about “R”.
But then I thought at the times I spent with “G” and how happy I was in those times. When I was with him, I never thought about “R”.
But the fact I sometimes thought about “R” ..I didn’t found it fair to “G”. I mean, I was with him, but sometimes when he wasn't there, I thought about “R”. For that I wanted to break up with “G”. But he made me we’d stay together. On the one side I was happy, cause I still had my safe harbour.. someone I could count on, someone who loved me. But on the other hand, I was worried, cause I sometimes thought about “R”. But I stayed with “G” and it went well, I guess.. But still it didn't feel totally right. So a few months later I broke up with him. He really dislike it.. and tried to change my mind. But I can't move on that way. So I broke up with him definitely. That was three weeks ago.
Past Thursday, during our class biology, I saw “R” looking at me and I think I liked it. But I don't expect anything from that, I don't expect anything at all. But WHAT does he want?! What do I want?.. What do I have to do? I don't know it anymore!

Thanks to all who read this and give me advice. Many, many thanks!
Maybe some poems of mine make things more clear about my feelings. If you want to know which ones, ask me.

Thank you.
Yes now I look back I know that's what I had to do, I think I was afraid to be rejected that it was a joke or something, but it's too late for that now. I just don't know what to do further, cause, I do not really know what I feel, and what he thinks about me now. It has been a while..

No more advice?.. please =)

I agree with Amanda to some degree, but I also think that this R guys has to step up and be a man. Let him chase you, and if he doesn't, then he can realize what he lost. You will feel so much better about yourself if you let him pursue you. But regardless, just live your life and just live every day as worry free as possible.

Well that's my opinion anyways :)

Hmm.. I think you both have some things I can relate to, or want to. Waiting for him tot come to me, is attractive, cause then I'm sure he really likes me. But on the other hand.. waiting for him to come to me, is not a good option cause I keep wondering what he wants.. I think the thing what pulls me back to ask him is that I'm affraid he doesn't like me.. so an option could be to talk to him first, see if he is interst, and see if I can talk to him and stuff.. I think that's the best option.. I think.. But I don't know how to talk to him.. what can I say to him.. to check what he thinks of me?