Changes On "There Goes My Heart"

I have made many changes on my poem "There Goes My Heart" And I would like you to check it out and tell me what you think about It...

*Thank you for the help once again Lydia O

Take Care

I just wanted to say that my help was limited to items related to correct English usage. I was happy to oblige. I remember from my own experience what it was like to struggle with English as a second language.

But also, September, you have taken it upon yourself to make additional changes that have now resulted in a considerable improvement over the original.
--Lydia